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Want to know more about marriage rituals in India? Why not get information from those who live in India and know their culture best!  
The following information on Hindu marriage rituals is from Naresh Kapoor.
SENIOR LECTURER, SCERT - A TEACHER EDUCATOR
COORDINATOR OF CULTUREQUEST PROJECT
contact via email at: nkapoor_vtc_bots@hotmail.com

Hindu Marriage Rituals:

In northern India, a Hindu marriage usually has the following ceremonies. These are usually accompanied by singing of religious mantras by priest and some times by havan.

Engagement
'Shagan' : The bride's family visits the groom's family and puts a 'Teeka'-
a mark on the forehead of the groom - and gives gifts, some money and sweets.

Marriage
'Sehrabandi' at groom's house: The groom puts on Sehra (a crown with loose
strings hanging & covering the face of the groom).

Chura ceremony: The bride's maternal uncles put chura (bangles) on the arms
of the bride and give gifts and money to the bride.

Departure of barat (marriage party) from groom's place to bride's place.

Welcome of barat at bride's place.

Milni: Relatives of groom and bride embrace each other and exchange
garlands and money with each other.

Jaymala: the groom and the bride put garlands on each other.

Marriage feast/ reception party

Lavan Phere / The Saptapadi:  The groom and the bride tie the knot and take
seven steps around a fire while the priest says marriage mantras. This is the
most important part of the Hindu marriage and must be completed for a legal
Hindu marriage.

Doli: Departure of groom's people taking along the bride for the groom's
house.

The following information on Muslim marriage rituals is from Janaki Rajan who is also a Professor in India. She has helped me gather much of my research and can be contacted via email at: janakirajan1@rediffmail.com.

Indian Muslim Marriages: Rituals and Ceremonies

There are many diverse ceremonies and rituals among Indian Muslim marriages. Wide differences in eating patterns, clothes, jewelery, exist within India as we travel from north to south; east to west.  Sect-based differences exist among Sunni, Shia, Bohra Muslims. However, there are certain basic principles as recommended by Shariat which are followed by all Muslims.

-Nikah is performed in Islamic style. The bride and the groom both utter the word ‘kubool’ three times in presence of at least three witnesses to solemnize the marriage under the supervision of a cleric.

-Meher: Unlike dowry in Hindu marriages, an amount of money to be paid by the bridegroom to the bride is decided prior to the nikah and is bound to be paid by the bridegroom to the bride soon after nikah. Generally in India, the women forego the meher, but women in Gulf countries do not forego the meher amount. The meher is a guarantee in the form of cash or other property which the wife receives from the husband in case of dissolution of the marriage. There is division of opinion among Indian clerics. Some believe that the meher needs to be given only in case of dissolution, some believe that it should be handed over to the bride, regardless. The amount is not fixed, but depends upon the socio-economic status of the parties concerned.

-Salaam karayee rasm: Once the nikah is over, the bridegroom is taken into the house of the bride where he will formally introduce himself to everyone. On this occasion, the young girls of the bride’s house crack jokes with the groom. This is led by the sister of the bride. Sometimes they ‘steal’ the bridegroom’s shoes, dance, and demand money for its return. The groom gives money as per his ability. This amount is then distributed among the girls.
-The bride is decorated with ‘henna’ (juice of an herb, which when crushed and used to paint elaborate tattoo designs and left to dry, leaves a red mark). Ladies sing wedding songs, they keep beat with a ‘dol’ or drum. In rural areas and small towns, seven days before the wedding, the ceremony of ‘manjha’ , the bride undergoes beautification, and is adorned, people come and sing to her; males who are not related to her are not allowed to see her. She cannot leave the home. She wears clothes that are yellow in color. These are days of hectic singing and cultural activities. In elite homes, they distribute sweets, and exchange betel leaves.

-Divorce after marriage for reasons of infertility and incompatibility in the case of both man and woman.
-Both men and women are allowed to seek divorce
-For males, they can divorce by uttering the word ‘talaak’ three times. However, the words talaak have to be said on three different occasions, after reasonable sufficient interval which is not defined. It is believed that Prophet Mohammed once said that of all the rights given to males and females regarding divorce, this aspect is the one he liked least. Normally, a witness is not required, but in case of infidelity, a witness is required.
-In case the woman does not feel compatible with the husband, "darul-Qaza" -she can go to the cleric and present her case, and she can get a divorce. This may occur for many reasons: wife beating, impotency, drunkard, does not give her enough to eat. She gets ‘khula’. The meher amount is given back to the girl.

-Iddat: After the divorce, for three months and thirteen days the woman is not allowed to go out.The purpose is, in case she is bearing a child, it will have become clear, and paternity is established, The father will then bear the cost of raising the child until the child reaches puberty. After that, the custody reverts to the father if the child consents, if not the child continues with the mother. After the 3 month period, she is free to marry anyone. Widows can also get married after the 3 month iddat.

Although so many elaborate provisions exist for divorce, it is not at all common to divorce among middle classes.
A man can have 4 wives according to sharia, but in India, it is not at all common. Most Muslims marry only once. A man can marry a second time only when he gets consent of his wife, and he has to share equally with both. He can only marry more than one woman, if he can treat them equally. If he does not follow this practice the man will not be pardoned even in death. If his wife dies, he can marry her sister.

Muslim marriages are generally arranged by the family. The bride and groom can see each other, but cannot mingle. There is no horoscope matching as in the case of Hindu marriages.

-Wedding dress: The man wears a ‘sherwani’ a loose long coat made of silk and elaborately embroidered. A turban, garlands and pointed shoes complete his ensemble. When he is ready, his mother puts her cloak over his head and feeds him milk. The bridegroom’s face is covered with garlands. The bride in north India wears a red fine silk gathered skirt called ‘garara’, in south India in Kerala, they wear white. Then after the wedding, they distribute dates, symbolic of Arabia.

-Food and drink: No alcohol is served, but there is a variety of drinks. Fruit juices, sherbet, a drink made out of dried fruits and herbs. The food will have ‘koorma’ of mutton and chicken curry, biryani, highly flavoured, aromatic rice, kebak: sheik kebab, zarda, or sweet rice. Delicious breads called naan and shhermal are also served. Betel leaves laced with many condiments are eaten at the end of the meal.  The groom’s family offers a feast to the guests one day after the wedding. 

The wedding can take place at any time on any day, except the period of mourning Moharrum- the lunar month-when many of the prophet’s family became martyrs at Karbala. There is no need to consult the cleric on the date..

Additional information on Muslim Marriage rituals

The following information was provided by Bharat Thakur, who teaches social science and economics at RPVV Surajmal Delhi in India . This school is also part of an ongoing CultureQuest project.
Contact via email: bharatcthakur@hotmail.com

The marriage within the caste is settled through relations, friendships, etc. and the date for the nikah (wedding) is finalized. The marriage can take place any place, it could be a mosque, open space, bride’s place or groom’s house, generally it takes place at the bride’s place.

One of the main features of Muslim marriage is that it can be a very cheap affair; marriage can be solemnized by a very few number of people and without much pomp and show. This is all according to Muslim personal law as defined in the Holy Quran (sacred book of Muslims).

The main steps followed in the marriage ceremony are as follows:

·    Kalma (holy script) is recited by the Qazi (priest) and then followed by bride and bride-groom.

·    Mahr (maintenance money or conditional amount which a husband has to pay before nikah unless she decides to waive it aside). The sum to be given is proposed by the bride and can be bargained (the groom can make alteration in the amount)  and it has to be accepted by both parties. This money is to be paid before the union. This is mandatory. It can be converted in terms of jewelry.
·    Nikahnama (agreement) agreement of marriage between bride and bridegroom take place in the presence of two witnesses, one advocate and a Qazi. The qazi asks both the bride and bridegroom whether both agree to this marriage, mentioning the mehar(amount of maintenance money). Both have to confess ‘kabool’ thrice (yes, I agree, I agree, I agree.) and thus the marriage is solemnized. This is followed by valima (lunch or dinner).

·    Costume : a very simple bridal costume is used. The girl wears lahenga (bridal clothing) and the boy normally kurta- pygama (a loose long shirt and trousers).

 


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